Those eyes staring at me…
It happened to me twice. Those two people and their eyes I can never forget in my life. Whenever I feel low, these are the eyes that come to my rescue. So I thought of writing that down for myself and sharing it across with a thought that maybe someone might feel better or get slightly motivated after reading this.
“So, you are back”, my Father said looking at me as soon as he entered the house.
I was sitting with my cousins on the staircase that goes to the terrace. In the midst of all the chaos in the house that afternoon, when my cousin was getting engaged, he walked in wearing a crisp white colored Kurta-Pyjamas and saw me. His gold bracelet was shining as the sun rays were falling onto it. Though he was managing the arrangements for the function since early morning, yet he was looking very fresh and charming.
I looked at him and didn’t say anything while pretending that I am mad at him because he called me back early from my summer vacation. I along with my two siblings always used to go on summer vacation for thirty days to be with my Maternal Family so that I can play and have fun with my twenty-two cousins. But he was missing me very much hence he asked me to come back early.
While gulping the water, he was staring at me. I cannot forget those eyes; till today whenever I think of him, I see him staring at me in the same way. This is his last memory, which is registered in my mind, so fresh like it just happened today. [This was one of the two times that I remember those eyes, another will come in the “to be continued..” part.]
That was the day when I lost my Father forever, I was 12 years old at that time. I was with him for the whole day, chit-chatting, demanding things, throwing tantrums like always and he just kept on accepting everything with a smile as he always did.
You know; my father went on his honeymoon to Kashmir for twenty-six days. He visited Vaishno Devi Temple and prayed for a lovely daughter. Goddess granted his wish and I was born. I became his priority since day one. I have a picture of him which I use every time to tease my sister. When she was born, my mother along with me, came back home for the first time. As soon as we came, my father held me closer and started loving me first and then loved my sister. My mother took pictures of that moment which is proof that he loved me more than other kids. He used to pamper me a lot and made me a spoilt brat.
He would never disappoint me. I always wanted our freezer to be filled with a variety of sweets and other food, he used to bring a lot of stuff. My Mother used to get angry with him, but still, my wish was a command for him.
Also, whenever someone from the family goes out of town, I expected her/him to bring a gift for me. Once my uncle was coming back from Mumbai, I was hoping that he will bring me a doll this time. My Father knew that my uncle went for hospital work and he won’t have time to shop. So he purchased a pink soft doll and gave it to my uncle on his arrival to give it to me. I was so happy that I got what I wished for. I was mentioning this incident of my favorite doll recently to someone and at that time I came to know that my Father bought it for me so that I won't get upset.
I remember blackmailing him every time against my spectacles. I used to tell him, “Papa, give me XYZ else I will break my glasses” and I seriously used to do that. So at any given point in time, my Father had six spectacles made for me, he was ready with the backups always.
I have loved food, especially eating food outside, going to lavish restaurants, and trying new dishes and cuisines since my childhood days. My Mother used to shout at me if I insisted on going out, hence my Father used to pretend like it was all his plan. Even when my grandma asked me to do vrat-upvas (i.e. Fasting), I used to complain to my dad that she is not letting me eat and that I am very hungry. My Father used to convince her to let me eat some food items which are allowed while fasting.
People say that it is difficult to move on from or forget your first love, indeed it is true, I can never forget my first love who is my Father. There are so many things that I remember about him, admire about him, and idealize about him. Unfortunately, I even remember him getting angry at me twice in his whole life. I guess on both occasions, I pissed my pants.
The daughter is treated like a Princess by her Father. However, it is unfortunate that every Husband doesn’t treat his wife like a Queen. I always search for his qualities, his love for me, and his pampering for me in every person who came into my life. Unfortunately, I never got someone who can be like him, though one or two came close to what he was. That void cannot be filled, I know, but I still hope for someone who is out there, who can see beyond his male ego and share all the love and happiness which I seek, I deserve that.
To be continued….
